One of my lovely Instagram followers read my last post and commented that she is new to the dating scene. I thought to myself how much dating has changed over the years. I wanted to do a blog about the dating red flags I see and hear from other people, and some I have experienced myself.
Going through things in dating takes a lot out of you. You will probably meet a lot of frogs before the Prince. I think sometimes people settle for a frog who appears to be better than all of the other frogs they have ever know (even though he ain’t shit either) because their experiences make them feel that there isn’t any better.
I think that people also settle because they get tired of trying. I would argue that it is easier to be in a relationship than to be single. Some people would rather be unhappy and live a life where they are disrespected than to make the hard choice to start over. Some people can not be alone. The fear of loneliness causes them to settle.
Compromise is different than settling. It’s ok to accept flaws in a person. Allow a person to be human, but don’t compromise your integrity. I’m not judging though…I get it. Starting over is hard af. Starting over is risky too. You get to a point where you get tired of the same ol same ol. I don’t think you should settle though. Keep trying.
Dating Red Flags To Look Out For:
People who say they are single aren’t always single. I have heard of people having a whole spouse and still lying and trying to have a side piece. A good indicator as to whether or not a person is taken is their communications patterns.
Do they only call you at 5:00? Can you only talk to them if a time is scheduled? Can you call on nights and weekends? If someone is serious about getting to know you, you should be able to call them at different times of the day without any trouble. Of course there will be times when they are just unavailable, but you should be able to tell what’s real and what’s not.
You Can’t Visit
After you’ve been dating for some time if someone is feeling you they are going to introduce you to their friends, family, or ask you to come over. If you can’t come over, if they won’t tell you where they live, if you have to go to odd places where you won’t be seen something is off.
It takes people time to introduce you into their personal life, but not too long. After a few months if the person is feeling you they will want to start gradually bringing you closer into their circle of loved ones
This would seem obvious, but it’s not obvious. It’s not obvious because when someone wants something badly enough, they will talk themselves out of common sense. You know a lie is a lie. You know very well that if a person is telling grandiose lies then you need to keep it moving.
Asking For Money
You don’t have to prove your independence by giving out money. Be very leery of people asking you for money especially in the beginning. Ask yourself why is it that this person has no one else to turn to.
Asks You What You Look For In A Partner
It’s a common question but it’s one that I don’t answer. Some people are looking for the blueprint on how to manipulate you. When you tell them exactly what they are looking for they will become that. When I have been asked in the past I just say “if you stay long enough you will know if you’re it or not.”
Engages In Negative Self Talk
Dating someone with low self-esteem is going to cause lots of problems in a potential relationship. If he is calling himself stupid or saying you probably won’t like him or he isn’t this or that just go the other way. Trust me on this one
Rude To The Waitstaff
If a person is rude to waitstaff then they have no manners. If they have no manners then you don’t need to talk to them any longer. How are you going to go to your holiday dinner from work with a person who doesn’t even have enough manners to be polite.
Moving To Fast
If someone is laying it on too thick in the beginning, it may be because they want to hurry up and get to the ending. He’s putting in all the effort and all the good morning sweetheart texts so hopefully you can go ahead and trust him and he can finesse his way into whatever he is after.
The moral of the story is that there are oh so many things to look out for when you are dating. Some people are leery of online dating, but the truth is you don’t know the guy you met at the gas station any better than you know the guy from the dating app. Be careful always no matter what. In this day and age there are men trying to harm women. Take all precaution. It’s not just your physical you have to guard. You have to guard your heart and mine too.