One of my author friends Angel Sand asked a question on her Instagram. (You can purchase her book here.)
The question was “How many people is too many to date at one time.” I thought this was an interesting topic because my views on the topic have changed recently.
Let’s start with how I use to view Multi-dating
Lets be honest. With so many stats saying that a good mate is hard to find, we often think that multi-dating will help our chances of finding the one. I use to think that dating was a numbers game. How would you really know which guy is the best by a photo and a swipe? How would you know by a drink and a phone number? You wouldn’t. You have to get to know the guys. It only made sense to me that until you decide on one juggle them all.
In the age of all things technology, I felt like multi-dating was a no brainer! It’s the American way! Date as many people as you can juggle in order to see what you like. I would date several people at a time and as one falls off I just cross them off of the eligibility list. I have a blocklist full of people who didn’t quite make it to the next round.
How I feel about muti-dating now
I use to feel that muti-dating would keep you from being bored, getting attached, and having hurt feelings, but the reality is you have to risk all of that to find someone. In a relationship, you may get bored from time to time, be attached, have your feelings hurt, but it’s ok. These are the feelings that you have to learn how to navigate in a relationship. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you will never have unhappiness.
Monotony causes boredom but it also can be the result of stability. Being attached is scary, but it’s nice to have someone who is also attached to you. People argue and sometimes feelings will be hurt, but you talk it out and it should occur less as time goes on. If you shield yourself from all of the bad you will be shielding yourself from all of the good too. There are no perfect people out here for you to date.
People talk about faith a lot. I talk about faith a lot. We hear about faith in God, faith in universal laws, and faith in just having a positive outlook. Most spiritual people will tell you about faith. Keep that same energy when it comes to dating. You can’t find someone thinking that you are going to need a backup. What you are basically saying on a spiritual level is I don’t believe it will work, so I have another plan in my pocket.
Let me be the first to say loneliness is real and being single isn’t easy. I understand the need to want to have another person in your pocket. I understand the desire to multi-date. Being single is a choice if you think about it. Anyone could go to the mall or the grocery store and meet someone right now. The question is… are they kind? Are they the right fit for you? Being single takes will power and knowing your self-worth.
I still don’t think it’s always bad to multi-date. I think multi-dating is the wrong idea for me. I think that whether or not you should multi-date should be based on personality type. I am a person who can be alone. If a relationship doesn’t work out I don’t need to have a partner. Some people don’t do well being alone, and that’s ok… but these are the types of people who need to muti-date. If they don’t, they may find themselves in a bad situation but due to the fear of loneliness, they can’t separate themselves.
The moral of the story is to take the other plan out of your pocket. If you are a person who can stand to be single you may not need to muti-date. It’s not always good to go from one situation to the next. Don’t do anything with the mindset that there is not enough. You can want more for yourself and know that what you have is enough. If things don’t work out, there is a big world full of people in it. You don’t have to date like you are afraid that they will all be gone if you don’t hurry up and buy like it’s a clearance sale.